absolute apple

when the time is right, this makes a whole lot of sense.

when after moving on, you circle back to that one person you thought you can already live without.

when experiencing the world again will make you realize you don’t want to take anyone else’s sh** but his alone.

when everything right as it seems not because you forced it to be but just because it already is…

MAKTUB: It is written.

June 12, 2009

I am scared. That’s my answer to everyone who has been asking me how I am these days. More than being fine and being okay; mostly I fear my first plunge.

It has been a whirlwind, seesaw, and you might say rollercoaster ride but it was one hell of a fun journey to social and self-discovery. I know I am never the same 4 years ago. Cliché as it may sound but I did learn a lot of things about living and loving. Perhaps this is really part of the ride and getting bitter about things that happen no matter how s**ty should not be part of the many emotions I should be feeling. There are days I wonder about words spoken and things shared—then there goes my weak moments sometimes. Other times, I try not to mind but I can’t hide the sadness.

When you open yourself up completely to another person and learned that things no matter how you try to fit it in your life just won’t; that sucks. Seriously, it does. The effort, the stress and pressure, the drama—man, that’s a lot of work! The fights about the littlest thing you can possibly think of. From wardrobe issue at first to million times we get late for our date even for a simple meet up for lunch or dinner. That does not include routine activities and the weekend fights of whether seeing together is best or taking time off to do our own thing apart. I should also mention the mood swings, the sudden burst of irritating and annoying demands that you cannot explain. The list can go on and this is just a part of how things are. I may not like some of the fights but it built and founded the relationship.

Of course, getting past the fights are the make ups and understanding more each other. Like how difficult it can sometimes get dressing up but the fun part is you share your style and make sure that both of you look good. Or that no matter how many alarm clocks you buy, waking up on time can still be a challenge but you know that it’s a pet peeve that can be annoying and cute at the same time especially when it involves snoring. And of course, you have fun with other people but you know that it would have been better to share it with each other.

It dates back to history the most painful and also happiest moments in my life. I’ll always think of times when I prepare a very sumptuous pancit canton meal with pandesal. Or that French toast version with coffee in it. And how can I forget the times when I had to be carried through the flood so I won’t get wet. And pacify me when I lose my keys in my bag or I can’t get things right when I fix things at home.

But it takes more than that to get things right. It takes more than what was built for the past years. What really matters now is what we need at the moment to move forward. I still want the same things but I am taking a different road this time. I should have taken this road before when I had the chance, except that I know I was not done yet, it was not the time. And now is the right moment to do it. I will look back and say thanks for having been a part of my flight. I take this escape as a chance to continue my search for the next best thing to happen. As an old friend would say, “you will get your second chance on love.” It may either come with the same package or a totally new one, I really don’t mind. I know I’ll be happy again.

And until then, I keep walking.